@Amusitr0n: No toilet paper. My training kicks in. I barrel roll under the stall & onto the lap of the person in the next stall. I did not plan for this
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@DaddyJew: IT:have you deleted your cookies? Me:yea the chocolate ones. There may be some raisin ones left IT:is there somebody else I could talk to?
@EndhooS: [Job interview] Me: [thinking] I hope he doesn't notice the mustard on my shirt Interviewer: [thinking] Is he eating a fkn hotdog?
@WilliamAder: Doctor: Have you quit smoking yet? Me: Has there been a string of unsolved murders in the news? Doctor: No. Me: Then, no, I haven't.