@gorrdano: Nobody deserves to look that peaceful sleeping. SLAP.
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@shutupmikeginn: women love to see the veins in a man's arm. it shows he runs on blood, and not something more sinister
@skin_and_i: Playing guess the animal with 4yo. 4: it looks like a tiger. Me: a lion? 4: no. Me: leopard? 4: no. Me: i give up 4: it's a tiger
@KeetPotato: did you get the job? "i don't know yet" when will they tell you? interviewer: "keith can you please ask your mum to wait in reception"
@OfficeofSteve: I always leave my vehicles gas on empty because I want thiefs to be as pissed off as my wife