@LuvPug: Nobody ever mentions one of the greatest joys of being a parent is mocking your kids in an annoying voice, repeating what they whined about
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@senorwinces: Just bought a 2013 calender, a rope and a stool. I like to keep the store clerk guessing.
@donni: MAYOR: I now present you a key to the city ME: So long, suckers! *hops in city and drives away* MAYOR: Come back! I need that for work!
@JoParkerBear: God will never give you more than you can handle, unless you were born in the wrong place or don't have money. That makes God super mad.
@bingowings14: My mum tells me that she turns the internet off when she goes to bed, incase you're wondering why your screen just went blank.