@LuvPug: Nobody ever mentions one of the greatest joys of being a parent is mocking your kids in an annoying voice, repeating what they whined about
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@SergioValenCo: Damn girl, are you my Bachelor's degree because you wasted my time and now I hate you.
@pplwtching: Rhythmic banging against the wall, his hands grasping the sheets. Unable to get what he needs, he gets out of bed to turn off the Roomba.
@T_Bonezzz: Been dating this new chick and some days i like her and some days i don't. so i made her a mixed signal tape
@jctwritesstuff: [First Date] Him: Great dress. Me: Oh, this? *flips hair* *twirls* *skirt flares* *foot catches* *face plants* Him: Me: Hey! Come back!