@NatetheEnigma: Nobody expects you to tweet brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
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@bea_ker: That's the third time Adam Sandler's scootered past my house this morning. Dude if you want to go on my trampoline just ask
@JaiWalker: Childless people wondering what it's like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
@ChrisEdCaruso: Good cop: where's the body? Bad cop: answer him! *pounds table* Jenga cop: God damn it!
@RapDescendant: "THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ME" - KANYE "THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND WEED" - WIZ "THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AT ALL" -B.O.B.