@RidiculousSheri: Nobody harasses you on the street when you walk around wearing a belt made of live cats.
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@tacsanitchiban: My daughter ruined her Halloween costume. Gonna wrap her in aluminum foil and send her out as a leftover.
@CopBroughtPizza: i'm reading this thesaurus. it's really interesting, or should i say... very interesting.
@kashmir_lover1: Autocorrect changed Friend to Fiend but sleeping with a Fiend with Benefits is actually a little more exhilarating
@lazerdoov: Don't ask a pregnant lady "do you know the sex?" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot