@RidiculousSheri: Nobody harasses you on the street when you walk around wearing a belt made of live cats.
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@Parkerlawyer: *buys almond milk* "I'm gonna get healthy!" *drinks almond milk* "This is gross." *pours Hershey's chocolate syrup in milk* "Perfect."
@GrantTanaka: if anyone starts quoting the bible to you, a funny thing to yell is "NO SPOILERS I HAVEN'T READ IT YET"
@blasphe_me: I guess it's not socially acceptable to put my hand in the shape of a gun into my mouth in the middle of a conversation.
@markedly: GOD: Mark, I have chosen you. You will know answers to all of life's mysteries, just listen to the voicemail I left you. ME: voicemail? ugh