@andrewgutin: Nobody likes the girl who brings the acoustic guitar guy to the party.
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@dulcetry: Rapture's tomorrow. Christians will be flying up into the air to meet Jesus. Two words: DUCK HUNT
@NikkiGlaser: What if ISIS started claiming responsibility for nice things like when my mom says, "who emptied the dishwasher?!"
@Shut_up_Marissa: Me: I'm so tired. Phone: Put me down and go to sleep. Me and Phone: HAHAHAHAHA!