@skullmandible: nobody, nobody, nobody likes the guy who's suspiciously knowledgeable about age of consent laws
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@T_Longstreth: [Girl over my house] "My ex boyfriend had this weird one-man-band thing. You dont, right?" [Unclipping my harmonica holder] Def not.
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] He wore the grin of a man who has never fallen off a ladder. His knees felt like reheated custard.
@sofarrsogud: WHAT I SAID: Woah! You look like Tina Turner on meth. WHAT I SHOULD'VE SAID: Good Morning Honey.