@skullmandible: nobody, nobody, nobody likes the guy who's suspiciously knowledgeable about age of consent laws
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@Roxtalled: *stands by cucumbers at grocery store *feels intimidated *hides by baby carrots *gets ego boost
@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] I'll have an iced tea, please. Waiter: Sure. Ummm...anything for the balloon with a woman's face drawn on it?
@AnotherFunnyGuy: If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.
@shariv67: Parents tell you their baby's weight because they have no other information. They can't say "Meet Jim, a free spirit who's into yodeling."