@badbanana: North Korean leader Kim Jong-un got married. Proving there's someone for every un.
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@YUCKYBOT: Divorces should just be reverse weddings where you get pushed out of a church while your friends steal appliances from your home.
@AlcoholAndTacos: Trump has so many failed businesses, if he wanted to shut down abortion clinics, he should have just put his name on one
@misfarber: Daddy, why is grandma so bitter? I don't know, son; seems to run in the family. Your great uncle tasted awful
@noog: [sees girl reading To Kill A Mockingbird] “Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] kills all those frickin birds.”