@badbanana: North Korean leader Kim Jong-un got married. Proving there's someone for every un.
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@causticbob: I said to my wife, 'Hey, I really love these new furry condoms.'' 'Bob, that's a cat.'
@SheeeRatchet: Black girls twerk, Hispanic girls hip roll, Indian girls belly dance & white girls watch.
@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
@aidanjsears: INTERVIEWER: so what makes you qualified to work at comcast ME: *shows up four hours later* INTERVIEWER: you're hired