@badbanana: North Korean leader Kim Jong-un got married. Proving there's someone for every un.
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@cray_at_home_ma: There are actually only two stages of parenthood: having children, and having children who can reach things on countertops.
@Sarcasticsapien: People in love use phrases like "takes my breath away" and "swept me off my feet". I think they're confusing love with attempted murder.
@KeetRidley: If a tree falls in the woods and the wife's not there to witness it, it'll be my fault when i get home.