@jwoodham: Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents, but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents.
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@zachreinert03: People think having 5 sets of grandparents rules as kid on Xmas, and it does, but you pay for it on the back end having to go to 97 funerals
@EliTerry: another car tip: once a month, open the hood and rip out one thing. most of the engine is decorative and weighs down your car
@MelanieShebel: I'm not saying the Internet lies, but there is an alarming discrepancy in the number of iPads I've won and the number that I actually own.
@PetrickSara: My husband grabbed a lightsaber and challenged our daughter to a battle. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.