@ethanklapper: Not everyone in my family follows Apple news, my sister included
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@fro_vo: [airplane intercom] good afternoon ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking why did you leave without me
@Kim_pulsive: I'd rather be hit in the face with a shit-filled sock than to ever attempt helping my parents install a DVD player over the phone again
@Sir_Strange: *sends you a pic of a kitten* *you reply, "Awe"* *face melts* *responds, "We've been over this already, it's "Aww"* *deletes your number*
@JasonBerlin: 1. Bang knee on table - curse life. 2. Check credit card balance. 3. Think back to sweet moment when you banged knee on table.