@ethanklapper: Not everyone in my family follows Apple news, my sister included
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@jenlaw_11: Sometimes in the 'special talents' section of a resume I like to draw a picture of a cat
@AbrasiveGhost: [at wife's funeral] Son: At least shes in heaven now Me: [delicately places hand on his shoulder] You don't know shit about your mom
@squirrel74wkgn: *pounds fist twice on chest* *kisses two fingers* *throws peace sign & nods head at DJ* I don't know what I just did, but we should leave.