@MomOfTeen: Not now kids. Mom is racing her rubber duckies in the bathtub and this time I really think Javier is going to win.
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@FrogAvalanche: [two atoms side-to-side on a DNA chain] "Hi." "Hi. U look familiar. Were u on A3564β before it went supernova?" "Yes." "U still owe me $20."
@rockymomax: [pulled over] COP 1: any drugs or alcohol in the car? ME: no COP 2: told you he was a nerd ME: nuh uh I have so much drugs COP 1: lol gotcha
@novixv: [Plane starts to go down] *Frantically shoves an entire bag of Life Savers Gummies™ into my mouth*