@MomOfTeen: Not now kids. Mom is racing her rubber duckies in the bathtub and this time I really think Javier is going to win.
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@Mr_Kapowski: [press session regarding increase in shark bites] Reporter: Are there more attacks in one area? Scientist: [lips against mic] In the water
@lovemydogduck: 24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
@thepunningman: Wife: But the zoo told you never to come back Me: [loading hotdogs into shotgun] Those giraffes can't live on salad, Eleanor
@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: Im sorry, I can't see you right now ME: [wearing my new camouflage suit] lol that is so awesome