@MomOfTeen: Not now kids. Mom is racing her rubber duckies in the bathtub and this time I really think Javier is going to win.
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@daemonic3: "Open your gift" A 'non-stick' frying pan? "You don't like it?" Non-stick? [smashes rest of gifts] YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE STICKS BRENDA
@weinerdog4life: Did you know you can just buy live lobsters? Anyway can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters
@AnOrangeSNES: [Snow White sees her doctor] Snow White: How bad is it, Doctor? Doc: Damn it I told you I'm a mine worker not a doctor. It's my name, idiot
@T_Bonezzz_: [ GUY INVENTING THE LUGE ] [*Drunk] Hmmm… I wonder what would happen if I slide down this ice mountain on this lawn chair?!