@Ideal_Victoria: Oh… Oh dear… it looks like my grandmother’s embroidered pillow may have stolen your tweet.
@RxitWounds: *Power goes out*
Wife: I can't see!
*Shoes light up*
Me: Ha! Whose shoes were "a waste of money" & "clearly meant for a large child" now?!
@iTomFoolery: How soon is it going to be before school spelling tests only requires getting the first three letters correct until google does the rest.
@ThinkingSavage: I'm boycotting 50 Shades of Grey because it perpetuates the stereotype that men can change.
@squirrel74wkgn: My wife's fish net stockings are so tight that my legs look like wafer cookies when I take them off.
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