@davidschneider: Not saying it's wet out there but the animals are lining up two by two.
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@MissNaughty1801: 7y: mummy, how long have you been married to daddy? Me: 7 years 7y: how long have you got left?
@daemonic3: Caveman1: look, I invent wheel Caveman2: what we do now? Caveman1: wait for Jesus to take wheel Caveman2: dum dum Jesus not invented yet
@thestlouisan: [Delivery room] Her: I was thinking we could call him Rob Me: If we're naming him after felonies, why not just call him Arson, Linda?!
@NikiWithIssues: There's a butterfly in my office and a nerf gun in my purse. Susan, clear my schedule.