@davidschneider: Not saying it's wet out there but the animals are lining up two by two.
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@sixfootcandy: Husband: What kind of toothpaste should I get? Me: Sensitive, strengthening, whitening, tartar control, plaque removing, deep clean, breath freshening, complete protection, with baking soda. Husband: So get the blue stuff? Me: Yes.
@MatCro: [French restaurant] DANIEL: Promise me, not again MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon? [waiter comes] D: Don- M: [waves hand] Garcoff
@Tylerosis: Facebook is where you'll find people sharing screenshots of sarcastic tweets and commenting "stupid".