@davidschneider: Not saying it's wet out there but the animals are lining up two by two.
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@dlicj: flight attendant: as u can see the captain has turned on the no murdering sign [guy next to me is still murdering someone] me: um excuse me
@EndhooS: Where are you going? "Ice fishing" You know you can just buy ice at the store right? "No I mean th..." Or just freeze some water even...
@Cheeseboy22: Every time my dentist is kind enough to tell me I need to floss, I am kind enough to tell him that he needs to trim his nostril hairs.
@DanMentos: John: we need a new word for foolishness Tom: How about johnfoolery lol John: Ok that's definitely what I'm writing down