@amydillon: Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock.
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@mariokeyparty: My dad and I were never that close. The company he worked for once had a "father-son" picnic and he invited his father
@ahoytheboat: my criminal record is only clean because of how fast i can run with my pants around my ankles.
@CYComedy: My goal weight is for my waiter to ask me if I want a salad with my meal without bursting into laughter.