@Whateverfitsme: Not sure if my cooking skills have improved or taste buds have adapted.
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@therepoguy: My dog really needs to learn how to drive a stick because what good is fetching one bottle of vodka.
@bransonbranson: *puts on satin, full length pajamas for men, slips into bed* yes... time to text some girls the word 'hey' and only the word 'hey'
@rockymomax: [pulled over] COP 1: any drugs or alcohol in the car? ME: no COP 2: told you he was a nerd ME: nuh uh I have so much drugs COP 1: lol gotcha
@DepressedDarth: All I want for Christmas is a stormtrooper who doesn't miss the target every time he shoots.