@Mike_Bianchi: Not sure if this girl I'm talking to online is real, so on our first date I'm gonna bring an image captcha for her to solve.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Trying to impress a girl on a date] Me: "Not to brag but I'm getting Windows 10 for free."
@stephenjmolloy: Chief cop: "This might be racially motivated." Ian: "Hate crime?" Chief cop: "We all hate crime, Ian. That's why we are cops."
@KKAlThani: If you set someone free, love them. Wait I mean, if you love someone for free, set them. That doesn't make sense. Forget it.
@Shock_Monster: I swear to holy hell, Aunt Pat, I would rather lick a midget's taint than accept your invitation to play Lucky Slots.