@Mike_Bianchi: Not sure if this girl I'm talking to online is real, so on our first date I'm gonna bring an image captcha for her to solve.
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@kalindi_rana: I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it. Doctor: This is your third Botox appointment. That wasn't even funny the first time.
@fro_vo: Me: I don’t know what to do on my date Friend: show her some local culture [later] Date: hi Me: *holds out hands* look at this yogurt
@CopBroughtPizza: gf: i'm breaking up with you. me: is it my drinking habits? gf: well it... me: *interrupts with empty cup straw-sipping noise for 2 minutes*
@rob5373: [Bags packed, leaving the ex] Ex:"I hope you have a slow and painful death!" Me:"So now you want me to stay?"