@Brianhopecomedy: Not sure why me wife is only mad at me. My 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
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@AnitaHelmet: Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I'm guessing it's because the other fifty percent can't afford lawyers.
@bourgeoisalien: Acid rain is total bullshit. I stood in it for hours and didn't even hallucinate one time.
@djdarrellripley: I can be a real tiger in bed. No, wait, wait... What's that animal that plays dead?