@Sir_Strange: Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@maurajbg: ME: Say "Anagrams are stupid" one more time & I will rearrange your face. YOU: Anagrams are stupid. ME: You farce.
@lovemydogduck: The only times I go for a jog is when there's a cute guy in front of me or a creepy guy behind me.
@lawrence_bear: Apparently sleeping your way to the top, doesn't mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
@bridger_w: If someone says they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and be like, to be clear, do you know how reading works