@KateWhineHall: Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
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@lovemydogduck: My son's method of Laundry: If it's clean it's on the floor. If it's dirty then it goes on the floor over there.
@LoveNLunchmeat: STOP ACTING LIKE THIS GROCERY STORE GIFT CARD ISN'T ROMANTIC. WHO DOESN'T LIKE FOOD?
@EndhooS: [1st day as a paramedic] me: can you point to where it hurts cyclist: [points at his severed leg at the other side of the road]