@undeadmolly: Not usually a big fan of God, but I have admit telling Cruz to run for president then making him lose to a reality TV clown was an A+ prank.
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@brunopieroni: No Amazon, I don't want to sort stuff by "Price: High to Low," who are the billionaires who would even make that an option?
@KeetPotato: me: "why was she called the little mermaid, she was 5ft7?" therapist: "i meant anything bothering you about your marriage keith"
@weinerdog4life: My wife doesn't know this, but for the first 3 years of our marriage I thought we were supposed to share a toothbrush.
@DebraMuffin: Nothing says 'I dont take you seriously' like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.