@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like trying to remember which brownies I packed in my son's lunch box
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@Try2StopME: Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
@MikeZakarian: Anxiety = waiting to see if the middle seat will stay unoccupied as people are boarding your flight.
@goodhairperson: [murder occurs] ME: how terrible. why can't we love each other [someone slightly inconveniences me] ME: I will execute your entire family