@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like trying to remember which brownies I packed in my son's lunch box
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@LucTabone: My son has the ability to predict what will happen in the future and later explain why it didn't happen. I think I'm raising a politician.
@shutupheav: Yelling REEEEEMIX, when your boss stutters on a conference call is looked down upon.
@Brianhopecomedy: Cashier: "Sir, the toilet paper you're buying goes on sale tomorrow." "COOL, I'LL CHECK WITH MY FAMILY TO SEE IF THEY CAN HOLD IT IN."