@Soberphobiccc: Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope's car.
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@Brohamulet: Toilet paper has a lot of other uses! Your baby? Boom. It's a mummy. Your dog? Boom. Mummydog. This lamp? Boom. Your living room is on fire.
@Inferno_V: A grown man smelling like baby powder stood next to me today. My maternal instincts have never been so confused.
@murrman5: [roommate watching me get ready] dont take that with you "why not" why would you "it'll be fine" [hour into date and I spill my bag of ants]