@AndyAsAdjective: My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I've never been more scared of a drink in all of my life.
@Heaterhotusus: *rage dresses
*rage stomps down stairs
*rage closes neighbors banging garbage can lid flapping in wind
*rage stomps upstairs
*rage undresses
@WheelTod: Julian Assange became a role model for hackers worldwide by crashing at a friend's place indefinitely & never paying his share of any bills.
@figgled: Things Women Over 30 Should Never Wear
1. exploding glove
2. ham sandwich
3. flaming fireplace
4. Dead bird helmet
6. shark eggs
@jake_lach: I just saved $30 on Taco Bell by telling a friend I don't have my wallet
COMMENTS