@MenHumor: Nothing says I have faith in god like the six inches of bullet proof glass on the popes car.
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@Iwriteforcats: [Travels back in time] Me: Abe, what do you think America looks like in the future? Lincoln: United as one nation... Me: Wrong! FATTER.
@SirEviscerate: ME: Here's your Mickey Mouse pancake HER: This isn't Mickey Mouse shaped ME: I suppose you'd think banana pancakes should be banana shaped
@Coolisiana: I bet nobody noticed Superman flying around at first, so Clark just started pointing out every bird and plane until it caught on
@chimneyspotter: *opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]