@MenHumor: Nothing says I have faith in god like the six inches of bullet proof glass on the popes car.
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@NicestHippo: "Great speech! Have you thought about giving it from behind a wooden box for some reason?" - podium salesman
@DanMentos: "You did it!" "You did it!" "You did it!" -dog watching me fail to solve a rubiks cube
@Thrill_Tweeter: Hearing deteriorates as we get older. So why with every new year does the sound of someone eating become louder & more annoying?
@Tmoney68: BREAKING: Apple reportedly prepping electric car. Battery life is expected to be about an hour, with a 2 foot charging cable.