@Sarcasmo718: Nothing says "I'm unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
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@AbrasiveGhost: ME: What's this bit here? NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your résumé said you were a surgeon ME: My résumé says a lot of things
@NervousJr: People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
@Jake_Vig: "You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet." - If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI.
@3sunzzz: I love showering with my husband. There's nothing more intimate during sex than discussing water temperature.