@MinionTrainer: Noticed lots of older people reading the bible. It's like they are cramming for their final exam.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Merman_Melville: Apple watch, loudly: "It is time for you to poop" Me: "A-as I was saying, our investors h-" Watch, louder: "It is your optimal poop time"
@CornerPubRon: When my new neighbor dies, I'm going to hire the same tree removal service he has outside my window right now to work during his burial.
@stephenjmolloy: Chief cop: "This might be racially motivated." Ian: "Hate crime?" Chief cop: "We all hate crime, Ian. That's why we are cops."