@MinionTrainer: Noticed lots of older people reading the bible. It's like they are cramming for their final exam.
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@longwall26: A werewolf is chasing you and you are going to die but he's wearing TOMS and you can't stop laughing.
@FrogAvalanche: -Where was I conceived, dad? Dad: Ahh *rubs back of neck* At the Bellagio in Las Vegas. -Rly? Dad: Wd I lie to u, Bestwestern Broomcloset?
@1Bad_Scientist: I'm at my most British when she says "teabag me" and I drop a sack of Earl Grey in her mouth.