@michaelianblack: Now that my kids are getting older, I'm worried I'll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
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@50NerdsofGrey: 'Tell me you want me' he ordered. 'I want you' she said. 'Now tell me you need me.' 'I need you' she sighed. She hated calling tech support.
@kumailn: When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
@jimelliott5000: Hey everyone, my mom's following me on Twitter now, so ixnay on all the eetstway about the ugsdray and exsay and acismray. Thanks
@utofellatio: Henry constantly confuses sleeping people with dead people. Henry is also a necrophiliac so things get awkward for Henry quick