@neiltyson: Now that robots move their limbs smoothly and with grace, I wonder how we’re supposed to imitate them on the dance floor.
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@ltsKermit: mom: who’s your background? me: my boyfriend mom: can i meet him? me: not before i do mom: what? me: what?
@bobvulfov: [car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that
@JohnLyonTweets: Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning. Facebook: Be the first person to like this.
@girlontapas: Water leak. No water for 2 days. Then the plumber cut the cable line. No internet. No TV. 2 stinky teenagers. Send wine and bail money.