@neiltyson: Now that robots move their limbs smoothly and with grace, I wonder how we’re supposed to imitate them on the dance floor.
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@daemonic3: [bank] Robber: EVERYONE GET DOWN! Me: [crying] my wife left & my kids think I'm a joke Robber: No I mean- Robber2: Wait! Let him finish
@SCbchbum: Did you know if you send a fancy iPhone emoticon to a non-iPhone user, it just shows up as a middle finger?
@adamlucidi: If Earth was a rented apartment, ain't NOOOO WAAAAAY we're getting our security deposit back.
@BeagirlNJ: Top 5 things to ditch in 2017 5. Debt 4. People you don't like 3. Facebook 2. Drama 1. The bodies