@AlexIsCool69: *Nurses dump cooler full of blood on surgeon after successful surgery*
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@Fred_Delicious: Waiter, there's a spider in my pie. I thought you had an "award winning chef" *waiter points to MOST CUSTOMERS KILLED BY PIE SPIDERS trophy*
@MarfSalvador: [Valentine's Day] Me: I got you a bunch of flowers GF: Thanks Me: There were loads just by the roadside. Got you a teddy and a candle too
@briangaar: See those guys? They apply ordinary grammatical structure and natural flow of speech, rather than rhythmic structure. They're real prose.
@thejamietighe: Stop earbuds from tangling by putting them on then carefully stapling them to your body. Who's ready for music? Not you. You have tetanus