@AlexIsCool69: *Nurses dump cooler full of blood on surgeon after successful surgery*
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@david8hughes: [under heavy sniper fire] Platoon leader: where's that sniper fire coming from? Me [crying a fair bit]: a big gun with a telescope on it
@Cheeseboy22: Sure I could get off the couch & put new batteries in this remote but instead I am going to hold it high above my head & at different angles
@slimmy_shady: SIRI, CALL FOR HELP! Searching for kelp. OMGYOU IDIOT! SIRI, GET AN AMBULANCE! There are 23 listings for lap dance in your area.