@McGrumpenstein: Nut allergies are proof that trees are taking their revenge after generations of us stealing their young.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TweetsByBilal: Meghan Markle: breathes Press: Meghan Markle wages war on global oxygen supply by hoarding depleting resources within her lungs.
@pleatedjeans: Halloween is great bc kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: I don't like my princess shoes with the heels. Me: Do they hurt your feet? 5-year-old: I can't run from zombies.
@brynnester: Bank Robber: EVERYONE STAY STILL & RAISE YOUR HANDS Me: How can we ‘stay still’ & also raise our hands? Other Bank Robber: He’s right Colin