@Hellaphantitis: Obama keeps trying to get me to kiss this top secret document from Syria but I keep telling him I'm not the kinda guy who'll kiss intel
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@eedrk: adrenaline does crazy shit to the human body. i saw a lady trapped under a car and suddenly felt a surge of energy so i went to the gym
@hollyberryness: The early bird gets the worm but the early worm gets eaten, so... I choose sleep.
@Coolisiana: GOD- "I will send a plague that will kill all living things on earth" *Fish slip the LORD a $20* "On second thought how about a flood?"
@GrantTanaka: Wife's been away since thursday, we ran out of spaghetti-o's on friday, ate the dog yesterday, burned photo albums for heat today, pls help