@Jason_maybe: Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
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@Piecezilla: St Peter reviewing my browser history before I enter Heaven: I see you've had a hard time cooking chicken. All of that's behind you my child
@Brentweets: "Do you need help with your math homework Billy?" "Yeah I sure do Dad!" "Well you're shit out of luck"
@sofarrsogud: FRIEND. My daughter just hates her job ME: My dogter loves hers F: You mean dau.. ME: *shows her a pic of a puppy in scrubs* She's a dogtor