@LoveNLunchmeat: Of all the millions and trillions of literary devices, hyperbole is my favorite.
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@TheHyyyype: Hard to believe the Cubs last won the World Series 108 years ago. Most of them don't look a day over 30.
@jwoodham: Just once I'd like to see a celebrity show up to the red carpet in jeans and be like, "Oh, was this today? I was just in the neighborhood."
@EliTerry: "Our relationship is nice because we can sit silently and still have fun." - cool thing to say to the person in bathroom stall next to you.
@Rich_McCarthy: *Salesman smashes through window into living room* Evening, folks. Are you in the market for a new window?