@NintenDom: Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles. You know what they say about old habits.
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@Rollinintheseat: If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.
@TheBlessMess: Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.
@briangaar: HELLO POLICE, MY SON JUST TAUGHT CUT TO A LEGENDARY POKEMON I WANT HIM TRIED AS AN ADULT
@iwearaonesie: mom: Why are your eyes red? Are you high!? [flashback to me cry-singing Taylor Swift's "Love Story" in the car on the way over] me: Yes