@3sunzzz: Of course everyone says that their kid is SO smart. No decent parent would ever say, "This is my boy Jack, he's as dumb as a bag of hair."
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@Kneevyl: If it weren't for dating sites, I'd still have some self-esteem. Thank God, it's all gone now.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Where's your maternity section? Her: Over there. How far along is she? Me: Her? I'm shopping for my Thanksgiving pants. Her...
@Chumpstring: My dentist says it’s ok to open stuff with your teeth and that flossing is “the next big scam.” He’s at my house today for a surprise checkup/to ask if he can park a car in my backyard for a few weeks “until the heat dies down.” His rates are very affordable.