@DaddyJew: Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn't I?
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@Parkerlawyer: Client said she needs to "find her zen" during our mediation and I don't think she knows that mediation and meditation are two diff things.
@thats_a_morey: I'd like the chicken-fried steak, please." Uh lemme get back to you *runs to kitchen* YO WE GOT ANY CHICKENS THAT KNOW HOW TO FRY A STEAK
@VirgoSherry: A co-worker just used the word "elderly" to describe someone my age and that's why I had to kill her.
@SuperRandomish: If you walk up to me with a plate of food and say "Matt?" My name will always be Matt.