@DaddyJew: Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn't I?
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@Smooheed: All I want is for someone to push me up against a wall Lean in And whisper 'I'll do your housework'
@SortaBad: I'm sorry that you invited me over to your apartment for dinner and I created a negative Yelp review about the experience
@Ideal_Victoria: Friend: I'm surprised to see you eating a salad. Me: *empties bag of chocolate chips over it*
@bingowings14: Been to the hospital to get a mole checked. Apparently they all look like that & I should've just left it in its hole in the garden.