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@DaddyJew: Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn't I?
@omgthatspunny: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: forgetting something?
BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: your harness.
JUMPER: oh wait lol i'm not with the group.
@Skullcat: My corduroy pillow has been making headlines all week.
@honeybadgerMel: Forgive me, for I have sinned.
Same time tomorrow?
@derekblackmon: I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now.