@pixelatedboat: Office morale has increased noticeably since we put a tarp over Dave's body
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@clindsaysway: That awkward moment when the person who just made the elevator notices you were holding the 'close' button
@thenoahkinsey: *forgets Netflix password* *sends email reset* *forgets email password* *sends reset to backup* 20 resets later: *opens 2nd Netflix account*
@TheTweetOfGod: Fear and ignorance would gay-marry each other if they weren't both opposed to it.