@pixelatedboat: Office morale has increased noticeably since we put a tarp over Dave's body
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@ElgatoEsmio: Mom said angels are watching over me I'm just afraid they're taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
@TheDailySchmuck: If someone upsets you, write a nasty letter and file it away before you say something you might regret. Then punch the person in the face.
@10InchesPlus: *sees oven left on "What moron left the oven on!?" *tries repeatedly to turn it off "WTF!? Stupid oven!" *realizes 425 is the time