@JhonRules: oh cool burger king sells hot dogs now. maybe next week i'll get lasik at staples
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@AnkCoupleTO: [3 guys corner me in an alley] 3G: Bet you're scared Me: *shows them my wife's credit card bills* 3G: *hand over their wallets* holy shit
@HeatherLuvsYou: A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.
@causticbob: My wife must be the slowest reader ever. I bought her a Kindle last Christmas and she still hasn't finished it.