@JhonRules: oh cool burger king sells hot dogs now. maybe next week i'll get lasik at staples
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@MarlonBrandNO: [Trapped on a Island] *Message in a bottle* "Please send help!" *Gets message back, months later* "Linda invited you to play Candy Crush"
@Reverend_Scott: [interview] "What's your strongest trait?" My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me??" GIVE ME [fighting to maintain pinch] THE JOB