@JhonRules: oh cool burger king sells hot dogs now. maybe next week i'll get lasik at staples
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@CornOnTheGoblin: Hello everyone this is your pilot speaking. If u look out the windows on your left youll see some fish. This is the worst Ive ever messed up
@CallousBalzac: [first date] Me: *don't let him know you're the Mona Lisa* Him: You look nice tonight Me: *smiles ambiguously*
@upsidedowntrash: Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion rings... Onion texts: Please answer baby. Let me make this right.