@SoVeryBritish: "Oh hello, I didn't see you there!" - Translation: I have failed to avoid you
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@KeetPotato: hey look! *picks up a tiny ghost costume off pavement* how cool is thi ew why is it wet? "dude, that's a condom"
@gabemakesmusic: I once saw a road sign that said, "Slow Down, Small Children at Play" but then it occurred to me that I'm not afraid of small children
@shutupmikeginn: Sing me a song you're the piano man / clean out my pool you're the gardener /now light up my room you're a ceiling fan
@withanewname: "Five year plan?" [shuffles papers] ...written down here somewhere ... Ahh, here it is, lemme clean the cheese off this Mcmuffin wrapper