@SoVeryBritish: "Oh hello, I didn't see you there!" - Translation: I have failed to avoid you
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@MarfSalvador: [Pulled over by cops] Murderer: I swear officer! There ain't nuthin in the trunk! Cop: SIR, PLEASE STEP DOWN FROM THE ELEPHANT
@stephenjmolloy: Devil worshipper leader: "Due to a typo we have summoned the wrong demon." Stan: "Hey there."
@gwatts77: Facebook people don't like Twitter because they need picture illustrations to understand the joke.