@SoVeryBritish: "Oh hello, I didn't see you there!" - Translation: I have failed to avoid you
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@fro_vo: Me: trump keeps obfuscating the truth Wife: i see you learned a new word Me: i obfuscately did Wife: Me: what are we obfuscating for dinner
@TheAlexNevil: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And I'm terrible with decisions, so I went home.
@themiltron: [God creating the ocean] GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere. ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they— GOD: Make it undrinkable.
@SenatorBigfoot: "How's Mason doing?" Ugh, he's going through this emu kid phase. "Don't you mean emo kid?" *boy covered in feathers runs past* I wish.