@slaughthie: "Oh hey there, didn't recognize you with your cap on," I say flirtatiously to my toothpaste.
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@thepunningman: Guard: Sorry, no dogs Man: But it's a guide dog Guard: Oh, ok Guide Dog: And if you look to your left you'll notice an insensitive jerk
@AlexRogaski: [Me as 911 Operator] *phone rings* I wait for it to stop ringing and text back "what's up"
@ThinkingSavage: All I'm saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us but whatever be that way.
@kornelski: Intel's responses are magic: - There's a design flaw in Intel CPUs. - Intel: no, they work as designed. - It allows stealing of passwords. - Intel: no, it doesn't corrupt data. - There are three bugs. - Intel: we've fixed both.