@slaughthie: "Oh hey there, didn't recognize you with your cap on," I say flirtatiously to my toothpaste.
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@trentistweeting: WIFE: you're so overly dramatic ME: no i'm not [10 hired backup singers burst through the wall shouting "no he's not"] dammit guys, not now
@TheRolo: [1st date] Her: I love quail Me: Omg me too! H: Love Cher M: Omg me too! H: Love men Me: Omg me too! H: Love Pepsi M: WTF is wrong with you?
@TheDailySchmuck: *makes third wish* Lastly, I want to be irresistible to women. [Transformed into really nice handbag] Dammit.