@preawsaurus: oh, internet, you didn't even exist when this happened to me. every weekend.
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@Black__Elvis: I'm romantic so I treat my girlfriend to a candlelight dinner every night, plus she's getting fat and candlelight has like zero calories.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at condiment counter] *does shot of ketchup* Me (gets in kid's face): Wait your turn, punk Wife: Oh no...he's getting sauced up again