@GriffLightning: OH MY GOD EDDIE MURPHY IS GOING TO DO STAND UP I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT oh never mind they're going to commercial. #SNL40
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@SondraDeeMe: If by high maintenance you mean she looks like a stoned janitor, then yeah, she's high maintenance.
@KeetPotato: [tied up by the mafia] any last requests? "yes, let me go" [still gets killed despite finding a loophole cuz the mafia arent very nice]
@theshantilly: My dog tried to kill someone for talking to me, which is basically the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me.