@SortaBad: "OH MY GOD YOU'RE A DOG HEY SMELL ME I'M A DOG TOO" - dogs
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@Jack_Wagon1: "What do you mean there's not a secret passageway?" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What do you mean there's not a secret passageway?"
@trapgrampa: I remember when you could get a dozen eggs, a loaf of bread, and a gallon of milk for a nickel. now they got these damn security cameras.
@reczit: Ancient guys used to invent good stuff because they never had to untangle their headphones seventy three times every day.
@shopkins776: Gf: "You want to know what your problem is?" Me: *looks at watch* "Ok, but our dinner reservation is in six hours"