@sageboggs: "OH MY SWEET GOD BE CAREFUL. OH- OH MY DEAr LORD GOD. HOW? HOW??" -me watching gymnastics
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@awkwardphilippe: [during sex] HER: this isn't working out ME: *putting sock puppet away* was it something he said?
@TheBoydP: Diet Coke: Making people feel better about ordering two Big Macs and a large fry since 1982.
@MindyFurano: Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.