@sageboggs: "OH MY SWEET GOD BE CAREFUL. OH- OH MY DEAr LORD GOD. HOW? HOW??" -me watching gymnastics
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@MaryKoCo: If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb the odor. So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so bad it's almost not worth it
@1Happytwit: You shouldn't judge people. What if that bloke outside your window with a clown mask and knife is just a chef that lost his way.
@RunwayDan: Sorry I embarrassed you when I tried to draft Smaug, but I totally misunderstood the concept of a Fantasy football league.
@DirtMcTurd: Honey, can we skip that wedding this weekend? "What? Why?" It sounds boring and there's no way that couple makes it.. "It's OUR wedding!"