@TEXASVETERAN: A hooker once showed me her dollar menu. Her meat actually did resemble McDonald's.

@mattsurely: Oh really well you thought four inches was HUGE when we were talking about spiders.

@ThisOneSayz: 3yo: play it again! Me: I can't, baby *3yo throws epic fit* Radio, you're tearing this family apart.

@JonnyGoodTimes: My girlfriend HATES it when I sneak up on her. According to her lawyer she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend ( ._.)

@juliussharpe: I used to see people alone at restaurants and feel bad for them. Now I'm with a screaming two year old wondering, "Who is that solo genius?"