@lynnbixenspan: Oh no I just accidentally did everything wrong all my life
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@juliussharpe: Gotta be careful. My astrologer just warned me someone pretending to predict the future would steal my money.
@crunchenhanced: *Stands at produce aisle *Grabs GIANT zucchini *Holds it high in the air *Yells: Is THIS cucumber big enough for you, honey?!?!?!
@kwirkyKerri: Facebook tells me those vans are dangerous, but Twitter says they have candy. So conflicted.
@CooIStepDad: "Son it's time we had the talk" "Cmon dad I know about se.." "Jet fuel can't melt steel beams" "What?" "It was an inside job"