@Dong_Hanger: Oh you can bench 50 kilograms? I literally don't know if that's 100 pounds or a billion.
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@bobvulfov: (staying in on a friday night) this is depressing and lonely (at a bar on a friday night) oh wow i hate this more
@Fred_Delicious: 9 out of 10 dentists agree that Gary is the most handsome dentist. Gary voted for Brett because he couldn't vote for himself
@Blue_Crab: My BFF asked me to watch her purse while she went to the bathroom. I asked her what it was going to do. I'm hilarious. Everyone says so.
@juliussharpe: My wife bought four grapefruit spoons. You know, for all those times in your life when there are four people eating grapefruit at once.