@themiltron: Oh, you’re a ceiling fan? Name three ceilings.
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@CrazyExhaustion: Went to a public park and my 4yo was like, "Is this Disney World?!" The answer is yes and I'll cut anyone who tells her differently.
@mariokeyparty: My dad and I were never that close. The company he worked for once had a "father-son" picnic and he invited his father
@thejessbess: Got kicked outta Starbucks for trying to order a venti mocha choca latta ya-ya creole lady marmalaaaaaaaaade.
@KentWGraham: I accepted the Microsoft terms and conditions without reading them, and apparently I’m now responsible for hemming all of Bill Gates’ pants.