@themiltron: Oh, you’re a ceiling fan? Name three ceilings.
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@TheBoydP: What's it called when a super model wants to date an accountant? Wishful thinking. Obviously
@shawnspree: Father's Day is the day my wife gets on all fours and lets me do ANYTHING I want to her. I usually lay back and use her as an ottoman.
@BiIIMurray: I read that burglars use Twitter & Facebook to see when people arent home. So from now on, Im at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
@Northside_Mike: Saw a big girl wearing really short, shredded denim shorts. I'm going to assume those were jeans before she hulked out.