@kcmoore51: Oh you're in the shower? Here's the seven worst songs from your playlist.
- shuffle mode
God: Finally a day of rest. I could really use a chicken sandwich and a milkshake.
*walks up to Chick-fil-A*
OH COME ON!!
@gingerfaced: Next time you get in a fight with your girl.. Go tighten all the lids on the jars.
@DJTannerComedy: Anderson Cooper: "the Arizona wildfire is flaming out of control."
Arizona Wildfire: "Wow, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black."
@DirtMcTurd: Ex (trying to make me jealous): I'm going to a party, everyone's drinking, laughing, and having fun!
Me: that'll all stop once you show up
@partlyfunny: Drugs and alcohol aren't the answer. Unless the question is why did you shit on the sidewalk last night?