@kcmoore51: Oh you're in the shower? Here's the seven worst songs from your playlist.
- shuffle mode
@jwoodham: Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents, but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents.
@david8hughes: Our family summer boat trips haven't been the same since grandad died & demanded we bury him at sea. In the boat.
@PJTLynch: *wife sees me crying*
Her: What's going on?
Me: The kids gave me this
*holds up Dad Is #1 mug*
W: That's sweet
H: Sweet? They think I'm pee!
@ticknada: Cops: You were driving while intoxicated nnMe: I was in no condition to walk
@MatCro: IAN: Just how do fleas jump so high?
ME: Your guess is as good as mine
I: I reckon they wear tiny tiny Air Jordans
M: Ok I take that back