@fillthevacuum: "Ohhh, that's what you meant by period sex" I say, removing my powdered wig and waistcoat.
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@TragicAllyHere: Please stop saying, "not all heroes wear capes." It is hurting business and times are very hard here at the cape factory lately.
@1_swarthy_dude: Boss:"I'll need those projections done Aesop!" Me:"You mean ASAP?" Boss:"No, I mean a parable that uses animals to convey a moral lesson."
@Playing_Dad: Me: We don't have any more Girl Scout cookies and now I'm sad. Wife: I get sad, too. Like when I think about being married to a 40yo baby
@o__0Dev: Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he’s being told where to deliver the ransom money.