@fillthevacuum: "Ohhh, that's what you meant by period sex" I say, removing my powdered wig and waistcoat.
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@Ygrene: [Being murdered] (with every stab, i move my body so that the murderer strikes acupuncture points which, to his dismay, makes me feel great)
@Home_Halfway: ASTRONAUT 1:So sorry ASTRONAUT 2: My condolences ASTRONAUT 3: Forgive us ~~The crew of the Apollo-G
@HousewifeOfHell: Kids' complaints on vacation: - No wifi on beach - Sand is sandy - Ocean has salt in it - Lobsters? I want pizza. - Too outdoorsy outside
@QwertyJones3: "Wearing horizontal stripes will make you look bigger and really stand out." Young Waldo: (whispering) Some day I'll prove you wrong.