@maebemarbles: Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs

@JohnLyonTweets: Mom, you're embarrassing me in front of the hostages!

@byrdie_num_num: Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'.

@cray_at_home_ma: I tucked my kids in last night and said, "See you in the morning!" and then we laughed and laughed. Saw them 16 more times before sunrise.

@kendragaylord: How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.