@brunopieroni: "Ok, guys, before you start calling me a pervert, let me just say I found a great source of protein." — The first guy who ever milked a cow.
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@blade_funner: (me as a paramedic) *rubbing two cymbals together* Clear! *slams cymbals together* WAKE UP!
@juicymorsel: Yesterday I taught my boss to play Angry Birds. Today, she "couldn't make it in to work." This is called managing upwards, people.
@Steelers1972: I know I'm getting old when I see a beautiful 19 year old girl and I wonder what her mother looks like.