@brunopieroni: "Ok, guys, before you start calling me a pervert, let me just say I found a great source of protein." — The first guy who ever milked a cow.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [breakfast table] Me: Who killed the entire box of Lucky Charms? 8: Not me 9: Not me CEREAL KILLER: Not me either
@envydatropic: A coworker just asked if I had any "mouth water" and I am thoroughly confused by this
@drxubair: Sometimes things are not what they appear. Just because I am sitting with an open book doesn't mean that I am studying.
@Bizarro_Mark: The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn't amused when I said, "I don't think it's working"